Lil StarKey

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Morning...

Today once again was being made frustrated...worst thing is...it's the first thing in the morning...stupid...

this week sis they all start school le...so morning will be preparing to go school. then think my third sis need some clothes that haven dry then she blame the maid for not washing it early then my mum interfere to said that it was her own fault that she din wash it earlier...then she got frustrated..came in to the room as if she wan to cry...stupid...then she switched on the light...it was very irritating for me as i was slping on the top level of this 2-level bed...it was very warm as well cos the light was very near to me...i keep asking her to switch off the light the moment she goes out but she din...then worst of all...she keep coming in sitting there doing nothing...idiot...wah....hating everything more man...what the shit is happening to my life...?????does this happens to everyone? is my life normal? cant my life just goes on without anything that irritates me???all these questions have been going around in my mind...wat is happening...

i tried to make myself understand that these are all jus part and parcel of life...but when will this big parcel be sent away??isnt there anything at home that can make me wanna be home everyday??nowadays...home....seems to be a taboid in me...something i dun even wish to talk about to others...

i used to be so proud of my home...now...direct opposite...i wonder if the good old days will return...haiz...pathetic...

currently...im using this heck care attitude to go on with my life...thou i dun like it but i guess that's the only way to stay more positive about everything in my life...i dun wan let this home issue make my life miserable...i can do it!

Still In Love7:40 AM

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Recovered....updates...

Now in office waiting to start work…I have recovered from the hurtful day…once again riding on with my journey in life…

Just some recall and some updates…

23rd Jun
Work. At night went to eat international buffet with Liying…her treat for my bday...din really get to enjoy all the food as I was feeling unwell…so mei you kou fu…went to the toilet 3 times in one meal -_- think I ate something wrong in the afternoon…must be the chicken rice I had at the coffeeshop nearby my office…the buffet is situated at science centre nearby…going there brings back fond memories…wonder when will I have the chance to go science centre again…with my family…it seems yesterday that I went there happily with my family but haiz…I actually argued with my mum on Sunday…sianz…then after the main meal…we had dessert…their durian puffs was very nice…but have to wait for it to de-frost first cos it seems to be taken out from the freezer…so hard…the had quite a variety of cheesecakes…all very nice also…haha…so after dinner, we walked to Chinese garden mrt because it is more convenient for her to go home from there. Then we had talks and laughters along the way…after not seeing her for so long…around one month plus 2 mths lidat…we still crap like siao kin-na…haha..anyway was a nice bday spent with her…she bought me a present too…wasn’t anything great…but the stars which she folded it herself using straws were very touching…so glad and feel so lucky to have her as my friend…

24th Jun
Went NUS in the morning for an orientation day with fei fei and after that saw one of her friend there as well. The things they say all I read from the website before liao -_- so was quite boring for me >.<>.<>.<>.<

Ok time to start work…continue again next time…

Still In Love8:10 AM

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Hurt....Deeply...

Today is a bad bad day...from morning til night...nothing good had happened but all the bad things happened...

morning...disappointed...if i din ask...i would have been an idiot waiting stupidly at cck mrt...

afternoon....no mood...played computer...then mum start scolding the moment i touch the com...saying im often not home and the moment im home i stick to the computer...y is it always me everytime?!?!?!others play have no problem but the moment i touch the com...every bad scolding comes...y am i the only one responsible for my brother's education and results??!!y my other sisters have no responsibilty AT ALL to teach that lazy brother of mine?!?!?!y is all blames put on me whenever something goes wrong?!?!?!y doesnt the mother of the kid have any responsibilty to teach him!??!?!y is everything my fault?!?!y am i the eldest in the family!??!y mus i bear all these shit when i hardly have anymore energy to care?!?!?!y is my life in such a mess now?!?!!y the more i work hard to stay happy,the sadder i get?!?!?!y the harder i try to get life abit better, it gets much more worse?!?!?!?!?!WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

with all these in mind...i tried to calm myself down and go to slp...i switched off the com and went to slp...and she came in to scold AGAIN!! saying she asked me to switch off com to teach bro and not to slp...i angrily replied that i would only cane my bro if i teach him at that point of time...this is so sick....i am so sick of everything....then into my dreamland...the only time i feel stressless...then was woke up by my aunt's call...she ask me bout my outing today...i duno wat to say....not even my family wanna go...i dunno y i care so much to build more bonds when everyone seems to heck care about all these...as i said i told her wat happened in the afternoon...she say she'll try to have a talk with my mum when there's a chance...i hope she can do miracle...then at 7+ when im still lazing in bed cos i really dun wna to see her...i know the moment i see her..scoldings will come again...im devastated by everything....nowadays i dun feel like going home...i hate everything that is happening...i tried to source for happiness in other areas...but they were not long lasting...recently things that happened had proven my previous living theory right....the harder i work...the more i hope...and the mroe disappointment ill get but y am i still moving towards mroe disappointment and working harder each day???i hate my current lifestyle...the current life im living...i wan to get out of here....i wan to be independent and go out and live on my own....on the tot that i have to go for my uni and have to wait four years before i can go out work full time and live my own life....i feel so sick...everything seems so sick now cos im feeling very sick......sick of everything....tml still have to go work with enthu and smiles...which i duno if im still able to do it....it would be so fake and annoying.....i hate this.....

.....................hate me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.............................i really cant take it anymore....im going to break down...this sucks...........

Still In Love8:21 PM

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Slacking in Office...

Currently sitting in office doing nothing…so came in to da fa my time…IM SO BORED…I think I got a lot of things to do but I duno wat to do…my manager haven come in to the office yet so I also duno wat I should do…think all the things I can do I had do finish le…now can only drink my tea and blog down here…omg...haha…today my aunt took leave so im sitting at reception area…helping to take care of the reception area…so even blogging also must be secretly de…>.< everything muz be done discretely..lol..

Okie..things that cannot be done openly must end quickly…so I sign off le..haha…so bo liao…so sian…anyone got suggestions on wat to do in the office while having nothing to do and yet no one can find out de???lol…dumb….haha…

Still In Love9:32 AM

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Birthday Birthday XD

So long never blog le...haha...so today muz blog...blog to mark this special day in my life...the day that would be special every year in time to come...lol...

As the saying goes...time really flies...and here i am....having lived 20 years on earth...haha...kind of sad cos not TEENager anymore...lol...

today is a happy day...since 12am...receiving well wishes from friends...feeling is great...then morning wake up went work...got presents from colleagues...so touched...then got cake somemore...chocolate brownie!!yummy!!!!then my manager gave me chocolate......fav!!haha...dun wan fat also very hard...lol...then came home...got parents' ai xin wan chan....very long never eat their cooking le....cos got maid =( then today da kai sa jie...got prawn balls and chicken wings and MIAN XIAN by mama!! now still feel bloated =X and soon going to eat cake...>.< siao liao siao liao....fat fat fat.....tml muz eat very light....heez....but overall very very happy today XD

since i last blog....jus to list down some of the things that took place...

13th june 06- my graduation: daddy mummy went for my graduation...im so happy....its the first time they went to my school to attend a event...wah...now i sound so pathetic...lol...

18th june 06- graduation dinner & dance: went with jing onn...the only nice program of the night was the humourous program by a performer Ben. He came from london....he is such a successful comedian...i was laughing all the way thru out his show but something very stupid in his show...he go and use ballon for his performance -_- made me so tense up...as compared to the lame magician who performed later on...he is like the best...haha...that magician was like saying very lame jokes which made people dun feel like laughing -_-.....then the food...disappointing....not a dinner lor....should be call graduation buffet & dance....so stupid...got to go take our own food....so paisei lor....dun dare to take too much....lol....then end up din eat much...but the food was jus alright only....haha...

9th, 10th & 11th june 06- growing up camp: the activities was similar to the last camp i went...although the activities is the same...but the tots that came to me are different...going to this camp had once again gave me the opportunity to reflect on many things...sorted out alot of my thinkings...i had enjoyed myself as much as the first camp...haha...i was so happy that i found the pair of hands which i was supposed to find back (while being blindfolded) among the pool of hundred over people...it is so rare...and it made me appreciate the feeling of following my heart...using my heart to feel alot of things...something i learnt " all of us look different but in actual fact...we r all the same...we jus have to see everyone's inside..."this way we will be able to treat everyone with respect....another session was saying we humans are jus like the bananas...haha...cos we used banana to went through that session...so.....ok bananas...all bananas look different from the outside...but inside...no matter which banana u eat...u will not know if they are different or not....it means that all of us may look different from outside...but there is potential in everyone of us and we must never live our life the way a chicken does...jus staying in our comfort zone and enjoy the peas which the farmer gave...then end up getting slaughter...each of us is believed to be born as an eagle...and we must soar to new heights...learn to grow....learn to accept failures...with a smile...many times...when im sad...disappointed...or angry...i would remind myself things i learnt and make the choice of living my days happily...nowadays im feeling better even when i feel that more things are complicating...lol...bad things still happens and since i cant change the situation..i will change my reaction to the situation and things have definitely got better than before...everything....i remember my relationship with my parents was very down before i went for the camp....but things are better now and i feel so much happier =D

17th june 06- first time to night safari!!: haha...im so happy that i finally got to go to night safari!!!XD going there for the first time at my age is abit late lar...haha...maybe thats y i feel like a small kid when i went there...im so excited...so happy...i dunno y...the tot of going to see animals really excites me...lol...i think i still haven grow up cos i really love to go those places...but they are all so expensive!!!omg...luckily that time got the 50% discount...haha...thats y went there...haha...but after that 50% discount...with entrance fee at $10...i still have to pay $8 for the tram ride...so total $18...so its still very expensive...lol...i feel abit guilty....cos i asked all of them go thinking could save money to go there happy happy...but end up so ex....but still im very happy..haha...the animals are sooooo cute....love them lots!!how i wish can everyday go zoo, jurong bird park or night safari >.< if next time got chance to work at a pet shop where got dogs one...i surely go!! but i dun have any knowledge on taking care of them duno who will hire me...sad...haha...anyone got lobang in pet shop as a part time job muz jio me ar!!!

ok....tentatively i can only remember all these....cos quite brain dead already....

IM SO HAPPY TODAY!!! XD

.............and i will be happy everyday!!!!its my choice...hahaha!!! =D

Still In Love9:29 PM

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Early in the morning...

Time now 7.50am...i am in the office eating my breakfast....beehoon with fish cake and luncheon meat....and a cup of hot milo beside...so fragrant...enjoying man...

now waiting for 8am to start work..haha...

today is a brand new day...and im not going to let anything that is past affect my mood...brand new day...brand new smile...i wan to stay focus on now than then....

happy today....hooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Still In Love7:54 AM

Monday, June 05, 2006

sad sad sad...

i duno why i feel so stressed up recently...agitated at the slightest thing that happen...

yesterday was ultimate sadness...whole day stayed home...nothing to do...so played computer...then mum afternoon come back saw me playing start to scold...then saw a bowl of finished maggi on the table then say i everyday eat maggi mee...say i eat non-nutritious stuff...then i say i only ate this once in the last many many months lor..then she say normally i eat outside not noodles meh? then i was like -_- wat link is there....haiz...then she say i always never go home for dinner...but in actual fact i feel like i was always home whenever i can le lor...one week only twice nt home for dinner...at most three times...but she lidat say then i very buay song...was agitated...so i said in an annoyed tone..."i always eat at home lor...everytime i eat at home u not home lor..." then she ask "where got?" then i straight away say "u always go those sunrider things...i at home eat dinner u also nvr see lor...still say i not home..."wah...i super pissed off...then i very upset cos the thing i hate most is people maligning me for something i din do and saying things that r not true...esp when she is so impt to me and yet she lidat say me...im really heartbroken....haiz...
then being pissed off..i switched off the laptop and went to slp...whenever im unhappy or sad..i go slp...so that when i wake up ill be able to be the happy me again...dun wanna be bothered by all these...then i woke up at ard nine when my maid asked me to eat dinner...then i ate dinner and took over my sister to use the computer...within 15mins...she came home again...and the same old phrase....whole day stay home play computer....wah lao!!!i only played 15mins lor....super super pissed...but i jus ignored...then later she talk on the phone with her upline in sunrider...i think she asked her when is the laptop ready for presentation...earlier i know dun wan to promise to help her ar...now like all the responsibility on me lidat...nt even a word of grateful...the laptop dun have those microsoft software after reformatting and im already trying very hard to source for it within my circle of friend le...then of course need to gif ppl some time to find de mah then she jus everytime blame me say i nvr get the laptop fixed...wat the....then she complained to her upline somemore!!!stupid lar....fed up!!!then she ask me when the laptop will be fixed...but how will i know???!?!?! it all depends on when my fren finds the software mah....really very angry+upset lor...then i reply "duno lar...when my fren found the software then fix lor....now can use sis's one first mah..." then she nvr ask my sister's for help de lor...everything wait for me to settle....everything also wei juan wei juan.....i hate this.......!!!! then worst still i think is cause her god-daughter's mother afternoon came our hse say me takl to my mum then commented that i talk so "mei da mei xiao" and because she very love "mian zi" one so she even more wan to scold me!!haiz...im already very stressed already lor....with so many things in mind...nothing is going smoothly recently...everything in a mess....my life is in a mess..... i felt so helpless...i switched off the computer and went slp again...stupid...im living a life of pig!!damn useless!!sad sad sad...cry whole night....cannot slp....then reflect on alot of things.....i know i shldnt have speak loudly to her but the situation really make me go mad....i wanted to be nice to her...but she always blame things on me when i know nuts about them....its as if i mus know everything and everything muz wait for me to settle...im going to break down soon....i couldnt get to slp....then i woke up to use computer again...then went friendster approved gor and joseph's testimonial...and also wrote testimonials for them...then being frustrated...i go slp again....how to not pig...who can tell me???
today went work as usual...i forced myself to smile...i din wan ppl to know i unhappy because the ppl in my office are very friendly and i dun wan to worry them....but miracle-ly....i really not so stress up after one whole day of work...i like being around my manager because she is humourous...as in her laughters are very contagious...u very sad...u hear her laughter u will automatically be happy de...duno y...haha..i feel so happy working for her....
jus now joseph came my hse to help me install ms office...so grateful to him...now the laptop is in working condition le...i hope all these family headaches can end soon....haiz....
im so stressed up til i wish i can dun come home lor....last time i always wan to go home de...but now....if my mum is at home...i dun feel like going home...im really very stress....haiz....
i believe all these will be over soon...i feel so lonely...i am so alone............................sadly............

Still In Love10:59 PM

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Ultimate late slp nights week

The first part is supposed to be for yesterday's blog...i typed finished then cannot load...so load it today...

Title: Getting plumpish...

Recently i discovered that im getting fatter...sianz...how sia...cant resist the temptation of food...everyday eat outside...eat till sianz....nowadays other than fish bee hoon and mee hoon kway...there seems to be nothing edible that is not figure-threathening...lol...worst of all...my chocolate craving is getting greater and greater...how am i to deal with it?!?!?!i ate them..lol...thus explaining the situation im in now...developing un-requested surplus of watery living cells around the stomach region...what rubbish...haha...im crapping...yet really got more of them le...sad sad...

Yesterday don't have tkd training so the gang went to k-box instead...im kindof tired after staying up for many nights...around 2+ then slp everyday....for a week....wah...really cant take it le...muz slp early soon....wah...i wan to complain ar!!! stupid k-box at lot one have such a stupid attitude waiter...really cannot stand it...he' s so rude and behaves like a hooligan!!!stupid stupid stupid....dun ever wanna go there again....stupid experience...to think that i had wasted so much money there during sec sch days...then around 1+ stupid snortz sent everyone home...7 ppl in his car...with mr ADAM...lol...nvr squeeze till lidat for a very very long time liao...haha...then first is bee siang's home...then is my home...then when nearing my house...sudden hunger rushed in and had to take a bite...then all went 888 for Supperfast (combi of supper & breakfast)...on the car...there was this hoo-hoo talk which had led cl to the highest climax of being high on beer/wine/watever that can cause ppl to go high...she is so into this hoo-hoo thing that she shouted and shouted...haha...hoo!!!like nvr be4...lol...then this hoo-hoo talk continued all the way til i reach home...then while snortz sent me up..he keep hoo-ing as well-_-...wth...everyone is having this hoo-hoo talk...so mad...and so...the day ended....

today went work...shld be quite tired...but was quite refreshed...duno why..haha...maybe yesterday luffed alot which resulted in the good mood...haha...been quite long since i had such great laugh...er...to me...2 days dun luff lidat is very long le..haha...life would be so saddening...then after work went to meet cl, joseph, bon and her fren for shopping...heh...din buy much...only bought a blouse to go with the blazer for my grad ceremony on my way the train station...then when having dinner...cl got so high hoo-ing...lol...super funny...guess this hoo-inh thingy is gonna stay as a main topic among the gang for quite some time...haha...now i gonna go and watch the hoooo!!! to see how hoo is this hoo-ing thingy...hahaha...

----end of it----now for today-----

today is another fully utilised day....now im chatting and watching hooooooo-ing video...haha...
today morning went dancing...then tkd...then IMM for lunch with the tkd ppl then PS for swensen (treat lei... XD)...then home...super exhausted...esp when i have to carry that duno how many kgs de encyclopedia which joseph gave to my bro...the way from IMM to jurong east MRT was already killing me...din realised it was so heavy til the paper bag string snap..lol....sian lor...have to hug it all the way....

this whole week everyday also so late slp...really tired sia...tml muz slp more to bu hui the body's energy...slp slp slp....omg...and today i ate so much....fat fat fat!!!

Still In Love12:46 AM